Flip-flops in the Snow

Why do people insist upon wearing flip-flops in the winter? Correct me if I’m wrong, but the extremities of the body are most vulnerable to damage from the cold, so why would you give them the least amount of protection possible? This makes no sense at all.

Are the feet of some completely immune to the cold, while others hypersensitive? This is much more than simple differences in weather preferences. I fully understand that people enjoy different temperatures, and there is a certain range that I think is acceptable amongst most people. Some people are more comfortable in warmer times (anywhere from 75º to 90ºF), while others are in colder times (40º to 50ºF). This is perfectly fine. The problem is when people willingly expose themselves to below freezing temperatures.

Walking around in the snow while wearing flip-flops is simply moronic. I have seen girls running around in the dead of winter (not a fake winter that we’ve had recently with temperature ranging from 20º to 60ºF) in tiny skirts and flip-flops. Given, these were Catholic high school girls, and the skirts were part of the uniform, but I also attended that same high school, and I wore pants and Timberlands. The worst was when said girls would complain about the cold. They would complain about the cold they were experiencing while the bottom halves of their bodies were essentially naked to the furies of winter. Does this make any sense? NO. IT DOES NOT.

In my opinion, the Sluttiness Quotient (SQ) is directly proportional to one’s resistance below freezing temperatures. In the same way that a low IQ can shield one from the awful truths of the world, a high SQ can protect one from the physical onslaught of winter. This does not only apply to girls and their skirts/strappy-sandals/flip-flops, however. We have all seen that group of frat boys in flip-flops playing hackey sack in a field of snow. How do they maintain their balance while essential tissues of their bodies are slowly being destroyed? The rest of us may never know.

February Is Gay

This month sucks. It's only 28 days long. Except every four years when it's a leap year, it has 29 days. Woop-de-fucking-doo.

First let's look at the February holidays. There's Groundhog Day (Feb 2), Valentine's Day (Feb 14), and President's Day (third Monday of Feb). Only one of those holidays gets you a possible day off: President's Day. Most private companies don't give you a paid day off for this holiday. Since it's a federal holiday, those with government jobs get the day off, which means no mail for you!

And Groundhog Day?! Who gives a shit about an animal that checks for its shadow to predict how much winter we have left? What's even more sad is that there are organizations to celebrate this poor-excuse-of-a-holiday. There are people who don't show up for work and don't get paid so they can watch a furry thing come out of the ground. There's certainly better animals that deserve a holiday much more than a groundhog. How about Cow Day? Pig? Chicken? I'd be more willing to celebrate these animals because damn it, they're tasty. Then again, I've never tried groundhog.

And finally, there's Valentine's Day. Who actually loves this holiday? I'm betting only the execs at Hallmark. It IS their holiday after all. What better way to show your love for that special someone by buying them a card with a greeting written by another person, a box of assorted chocolate-covered crap, and a $10 stuffed toy made in some third world country sweatshop? For those who are single, Valentine's day is a brutal reminder that they are alone with no one who loves them. Because of that, they'll celebrate this day in their own fashion by drinking their asses off along with other bitter singles. And the guys who have a valentine are angry because they have to spend their hard-earned money on a dinner for two at an overpriced restaurant.

If I were black, I'd be real angry that Black History Month is February. What, is 30 days just too much?