Hot bitches

you know who they are. they wear nothing but undersized brand name clothing, much of which was not paid for by themselves. they get what they want, and if they dont they whine or pout about it until it happens.

they use the only trait they know of to acquire items and attention: their looks.

all their guy 'friends' are only around them because they wanna bang them. fuck the personality, who needs it? while inside, their self conscienceness wont allow them to be seen any other way other than the way they want to be seen.

do not let them control you.

Rice Rockets Part II

Recently, every rice boy with a bit of cash to dump has jumped on the "Pimp My Ride" bandwagon.


Yep, these are the same dumbasses who put useless shit on the exterior of their cars.

So now, after they've used their parent's money making their car look stupid on the outside, they spend even more to do the same for the inside.

Really, is it necessary to have 5 lcd monitors inside your car? Does every passenger NEED to have their own personal screen? And guess who doesn't have their own screen? The DRIVER! Because you actually need to keep your own eyes on the road! Crazy! I guess it's noble and all that you want to keep your passengers entertained, but why spend all that money for something you really can't enjoy yourself?

Some ricers even put a more expensive flatscreen tv in the trunk, complete with video game system (xbox, ps2, etc.) and DVD player. WHY?!! How often does one need to wait outside of their car for so long that they need to play video games or watch a movie? The only time people spend that much time outside their car is when they get locked out. Here's an idea: take that fancy tv, video game system, and dvd player out of your car's trunk and put it into... your room!

Now I have no problem with people installing a good speaker system in their car. At least that's something that the driver can enjoy. I even like cars with a powerful subwoofer, because that's necessary for a great sound system.

However, some go overboard install over 2 subwoofers... some as many as 6 or 10. At that point, it's ridiculous because you no longer hear music... just bass. Some even put neon lights on their subwoofers, which is completely useless for music. Now you're just showing off. And NO ONE likes a show-off.

You're not that deep.

Why do people insist on writing horrible “poetry” and then putting it online for all the world to see? For example, here’s a lovely tidbit that I recently acquired (and yes, the original font color was pink):

this is because i can spell confusion with a “k”
and i can like it
its to dying in anothers arms
and why i had to try it
its to jimmy eat world
and those nights in my care
when the first star you see
may not be a star
im not your star
isn’t that what you said
what you thought this song meant…

Microsoft Word wouldn’t let me just type in the “poem” as is. I had to go back and insert all(llllllll) of the spelling and grammatical errors (with much difficulty/annoyance, I might add). Before I extrapolate on grammar/spelling, you should know that this person majored in “inclusive elementary education.” That’s right, people! She wants to teach the children of the world and lead them to a better tomorrow! I am outraged. She doesn’t seem to fully realize the function of the apostrophe, much less know that “its” is a possessive pronoun. Furthermore, why would you spell confusion with a “k?” Last I checked, confusion was spelled fine just the way it is. She has no right to disagree with the dictionary. I’ll let the complete lack of capitalization slide, seeing as there have been great poems written without them. But these were works loaded with literary devices, allusions, metaphors, etc. This, on the other hand, is loaded with crap.

Now, I don’t claim to be a literary master by any means, but what does this (piece of shit) mean? Let’s run through it together.

this is because i can spell confusion with a “k”
and i can like it

Why would you like spelling confusion with a “k?” As far as I’m concerned, this lines means nothing, except that you’ll have that annoying red underline in Word telling you it’s wrong. There’s no reason to like it. At all.

its to dying in anothers arms
and why i had to try it

If only she would die, then there’d be a little less crap all over the internet. But, according to this, she did try to die. Clearly she failed, just as she is failing in drawing any emotion out of the reader.

its to jimmy eat world
and those nights in my care

Why jimmy eat world? If you’re going to cite a specific musical group, it’d be best to allude to why, especially if said group has not made a significant, universally accepted contribution to the musical world. Did she spend nights caring for someone while listening to them? Or is “care” a typo, and she really meant they listened to jimmy eat world in her car? The world may never know. This is what bad grammar/spelling does. It makes everything you write questionable.

when the first star you see
may not be a star

If the first star you see wasn’t a star. Logically, there can be no first star. Perhaps she should have written “the first light you see.” That would at least hint at a bit of sense in her unquestionably empty mind.

im not your star
isn’t that what you said
what you thought this song meant…

What I’m getting out of this is a breakup. It’s a classic love story: girl loves boy; boy finds girl idiotic; boy leaves girl; girl tortures others with inane poetry. I say, kudos to the dude for leaving her. That’s one less mind suffering immeasurable damage. The last line implies that he had an idea of what all this means, but is incorrect in his assumption. However, there is no evidence as to an alternate meaning. It’s kind of difficult to have an alternate meaning when there is no initial meaning. Here’s what I think this “song” means: I’m a mindless simpleton who can’t stop obsessing over an old boyfriend. To alleviate my pain, I spread it onto others via my writings. I have no sense of good English and am unable to hit F7, which would fix my language for me. Perhaps I lack dexterity as well as intelligence.

Lesson of the day: If you’re going to post poetry where others can read it, it needs to have something going for it, if not some deeper meaning, then at least good spelling. Clearly, this person has neither. I can only hope that her depression progressed to the point of suicide.

Frat Boys: Part I

You've seen them everywhere, sitting out on porches, grouped together in the quad, stumbling across the street in a drunken stupor. Frat Boys. What is it about that Greek letter that white college males strive to attain, only to become a clone of five others before him?

"From the Latin words "frater" meaning brother and related to the Greek word "phratry" meaning a group of related families whose members were not necessarily of common descent." applied to college surroundings: "A men's Greek letter organization characterized by a ritual, pin and strong tie to friendship and moral principles."

I guess over time that slowly changed to "A group of identical white males that engage in heavy drinking and public displays of lewd conduct".

How to spot a "Frat Boy" AKA, "Frat Fuck". They generally stick to the same dress formula: cap or visor, oftentimes reversed, sometimes fitted, usually worn and tattered despite being newly purchased and possibly upside down (applied only to visors) thus, voiding any possible protection from the sun. Accompanying the mentioned headgear go the "threads". Small polo shirts of a varying solid color, with collar popped, in the upright position. Perhaps to guard the neck against wind or cold, but we may never know it's true purpose. Continuing on you will find them outfitted with a pair of Khaki cargo shorts, many times with loose fibers hanging from the pant legs symbolizing the fabric was cut at one point in time. The lighter the fabric, supposedly the longer stretch of time the article of clothing was owned and put into use. Rounding off the formula are sandals. Sandals regardless of weather or ground conditions. Perhaps to aide in the cooling of the feet, but it is not a logical piece of footwear once the temperature drops to the low 40's.

Other things to look for are "Frat speak", a unique dialogue acquired by one after having joined a fraternity. This includes the frequent use of "dude", "rocks" or "sweet" among others. Also, the length one holds a "woo" is indicative of their expertise on the situation. For example:

Frat Boy 1: "DUDEEE! Did you see that hot chick playin beer pong?"
Frat Boy 2: "YOOOO, She was totally checkin me out as I held her hair while she puked!"
Frat Boy 1: "SWEEEEET!"

::High Five ensues::

As you can see, exclaiming the vowel of any given word for an extended amount of time can not only portray one's emotions on the subject, but also serves as recognition for the previous statement made. Various physical gesticulations may accompany any conversation, thus adding to the overall affect.

An integral part in the 'Frat' life are "Frat Parties" often interchanged with "House Parties". The average Frat party consists of cramming as many people into one house as space permits. Scattered about the house are what can be referred to as "activity rooms", key rooms being the kitchen (which often is the central hub, housing the kegs and liquor), dance floor (which is just an open room with loud, oversaturated speaker playing various "popular" rap music), and the "game room" which contains various drinking games: in particular "Beer Pong".

Beer Pong appears to be the game of choice among the average Frat Boy. The game centers around two opposing teams seeking to toss a dirty ping pong ball into an opposing team's colored plastic cups, contaminating their drinking supply, thus penalizing them. Once one team has consumed all of the contaminated drink, they are deemed the loser.

Just because the average Frat Boy has the IQ of the ping-pong ball they incessantly toss about, doesn’t mean they don’t have access to technology. The computer serves as the central communication hub through which they communicate. Whether it be through instant messaging, My Space or Facebook, the signs of spotting the 'online Frat Boy' are obvious.

The average Frat Boy will have at least one popular music quote in their Instant Messaging profile, followed by an inside joke, and finally a link to another electronic form of identification. The link being a unique 'buddy profile', or as mentioned earlier, a link to a My Space, Facebook, or similar site with their profile picture consisting of them either mid-yell, holding a beer/plastic cup, or looking smug into the camera with their A&F outfit. Common bookmarks to look out for include Ebaums world, College-humor or any generic collection of internet "humor".

Stepping away from his Internet presence, the average Frat Boy will be operating from a brand name computer, most likely laptop from HP, Dell or Gateway. On that machine you will find countless desktop shortcuts, obnoxious background images, and peer-to-peer applications along with included spy ware. While they possess the basic skills needed for word processing, little else is known about what else lies within that scary complicated piece of technology. Typically, the only videogames that the Frat Boy engages in are Halo 1/2 and Madden. Oftentimes they will proclaim themselves "the best" or being able to "take anyone on" while they are clearly out skilled outside of their own social circle.

Gangsta AZNs: Part III

Before I begin, I would like to differentiate between AZNs and Asians. AZNs are the ones who think they’re “down.” They think every thought that runs through their heads is significant, and that their life experiences (i.e. saving money to make their car wack) is unique. They are the ones that believe stupidity makes you cool, that ignorance makes you leader of the pack. These people need to die.

You can always tell when a website is run by an AZN. If, for some reason, you are unable to tell when an AZN (not an Asian) is running a website, here are some tell-tale signs:

1. The user name has an excessive number of x’s and o’s surrounding it. This is quite common among AZNs, as their utter lack of creativity causes them to all want the same user names. This leads to variations which involve the use of x’s and o’s, aka hugs and kisses. For example, the name AZNPrideRiceBoy is already taken. So the stupid child creates the user name XoXAZNPrideRiceBoyXoX. There is no need to copy each other’s names. It makes things quite confusing in the long run.

GenericScreenName: Yo, what’s up?
XoXAZNPrideRiceBoyXoX: wHo DiS iZ?!
GenericScreenName: My bad. I was trying to talk to XoXoAZNPrideRiceBoyXoXo.

Clearly, this is bad planning on the part of AZNs everywhere. We’re supposed to be smarter than this people! Stop making the rest of us look bad just so you can fail at looking cool.

2. ThE WeBsYtE iN kWeStIoN iZ cOmPlEtElY lAKiNg In PrOpEr GrAmMaR, SpElLiNg, aNd PuNcTuAtIoN. While I will imitate the horrible typing, I refuse to use poor grammar, so you’ll just have to imagine it. The same people that get straight As in school are somehow unable to write a coherent sentence online. WHY?! Are you ashamed that you know English better than white people? Do you like the stereotype of Asians being unable to speak English? I need to know that answer to this question. Honestly, it keeps me up at night, seething with hatred.

3. The site is unnecessarily complex. There are 20 separate images (badly) photoshopped together, and displayed in monochrome. Frames are placed within frames, making it impossible to comfortably scroll down, much less explore the contents of the site. Also, there’s a trail of stars/flags/cars/something retarded trailing my cursor everywhere it goes. What is the point of that? Do you want to hurt me? Is that it? Besides the visual torture, there is always some horrible song playing in the background. It could be the latest Kpop hit. It could be the latest Jay-Z joint. In any case, musical backgrounds are annoying, especially when there is no way to turn it off. The page looks like a high school web development textbook threw up.

4. There are unsolicited offers of hooking up with members of the opposite sex. This occurs mostly on sites such as Asian Avenue or Xanga, which are the ultimate locations for AZN holleration. A common line is:

yO! iF uR a BaNgiN GuRlZ u NeEd To HoLlA TcHa BoY! hIt Me Up At XoXAZNPrideRiceBoyXoX. u KnOw U wAnNa B wIt Me!!!! (hAwT gUrLz OnLi)

Who would find that attractive? I can just imagine the swooning throngs of girls (aka GuRlZ) thinking, “He’s so sexy! Even though it seems as though his Shift key is broken, I would love to get with him! I love a man who can’t spell!”

These are just a few indications that a website is run by and AZN. While there are more, these are the most prevalent. Take heed when surfing the web, as you may get sucked into their vortexes of ignorance and ineffective posturing. When at work, avoid these at all costs, as sudden blasts of music will alert your boss to your activities, which do not actually involve work of any kind. In the worst case scenario, AZN websites will get you fired. Never forget that.

And remember, flame them as often as you can. Nothing is funnier than a 16 year old AZN threatening to “pOp a CaP in uR AsS” for leaving negative comments on his site.

Rice Rockets part I

I just don't understand people who buy a $10k car just to put another $10k worth of mods on it. I can understand people who spend the money on equipment to make their car perform better and go faster. But I don't get the people who spend money to make their ride only LOOK faster.

Let me explain some things (and I'm not even that serious of a car guy):

That hood you installed with a fake scoop looks stupid. At its very least, a hood scoop has an OPENING to let air in to cool your engine. The fake hood scoop you installed doesn't even have a hole and serves no purpose whatsoever other than to prove that you're a poser.

You may like the sound of your new muffler, but everyone else hates it and thinks you're a prick. That annoying howl may make your car sound fast, but everyone knows it's not, especially when that SUV carrying 8 people is beating you off the red light. So face it, you're not fooling anyone.

On an actual RACE CAR, a rear wing uses air to provide downforce on the car to give better traction, especially on the turns. For the air to give downforce, the car has to be going fast enough (at least 80mph, but usually over 100). Of course, those cars have over 500 horsepower or more, so the drag that the rear wing creates doesn't affect the overall speed of the car. But on that used dodge neon your mom gave you, a rear wing does nothing more than slow you down. You're basically dragging a parachute on the back of your car. And because it IS slowing you down, it's pretty much pointless to have downforce because you can barely turn a corner over 15 mph anyway.

I think it's even funnier when people lower their car. Once they do, they can't have more than one passenger or else their tires rub against the wheel well. So good job, idiot, you just spent hundreds to make your car much less functional. Its just hilarious when your car is so low, everytime you go up a ramp or a speedbump, you scratch your new front bumper that's already ugly anyway. And you're even more terrified of potholes.

Oh, and those 18" rims you bought? You also have to buy new low profile tires, which makes a for a more bumpy ride. So on top of your new lowered suspension and those new tires, you now have a car that's so bumpy and uncomfortable, your ONLY one passenger that you can carry hates riding with you.

So how can you make your car even uglier? You put stickers all over it! I wonder if these people realize that race cars have decals and logos all over it because THEY ARE SPONSORED. Which means that those companies PAY the race team to show their logos. You, on the other hand, BUY those stickers so you can advertise those companies for free. Good job, dumbass.

Does anyone think this actually looks good?

Gangsta AZNs: Part II

I've always been confused by the fake-me-out gangster asian, or AZN, as they like to be called. The most pressing question, in my eyes, is where did the pressure come from to act like this? In my experience, asians pretty much grow up with other asians. Yeah, you have the occasional non-asian thrown in the mix. And then the random half and half kids. But really, there's no real pressure to act like a thug. As far as I can see it, this pressure is self-imposed. I can just imagine it:

There's an Asian kid sitting at home at his desk, which is strewn with books on advanced calculus and theoretical physics. He's wearing a too-small polo shirt, high waters, and has a pocket protector while staring at his latest test. "DAMMIT! I got another A on an exam! My street cred is going down the toilet! I gotta do something." An hour later, he's got an oversized throwback jersey on with a matching cap, giant jeans, and some fake blinged necklace. "Yo, homeslice! What's good?!"

What the fuck? And you know that this kid went around trying to intimidate people (i.e. other stupid Asian boys), which caused them to act in the same manner. It's the pyramid scheme from hell. I'm not talking about any sort of urban style. I'm completely down the the urban-ism. It's the downright fake ghetto-ness of these people. Don't be ashamed of your parents' success. Take advantage of that; that's what they're there for.

Stop acting like something you aren't. You have a 4 story house, and your parents are doctors. You do not have street cred to begin with. You have no viable means of creating street cred or anything of that nature. Cut that shit out. (Before I cut you.)

Sidenote: I rate that kid as an asshole.

Gangsta asians

Know what I hate? These asians who think they're tough shit cause they grew up in "the hood". When in reality, that "hood" is a pretty nice and safe suburb just outside the city. So put away your little bravado and swagger, and stop talking like that. Because we all know how you act when you get in a fight with your girl. I'm talking about the waterfall of tears you shed, you little crybaby. And you can't ball either.

Don't get me started on asians with cornrows...

lazy helpless fucks

cant these people learn to solve their own miniscule little problems instead of automatically requesting help? do they ever think for themselves?!?!

sometimes i go out of my way to make them look stupid and see how simple their shit was to fix.

Girls With Boyfriends

There's nothing that annoys me more than girls with boyfriends who still act flirty and dress skankily. They're sending absolutely mixed signals.

Like Chapelle so wisely said, if you're dressed like a cop, people are gonna come up to you for help.

Likewise, if you dress like a slut, guys will approach you left and right. Don't act like you don't know.

Hatred is a beautiful thing.