February Is Gay

This month sucks. It's only 28 days long. Except every four years when it's a leap year, it has 29 days. Woop-de-fucking-doo.

First let's look at the February holidays. There's Groundhog Day (Feb 2), Valentine's Day (Feb 14), and President's Day (third Monday of Feb). Only one of those holidays gets you a possible day off: President's Day. Most private companies don't give you a paid day off for this holiday. Since it's a federal holiday, those with government jobs get the day off, which means no mail for you!

And Groundhog Day?! Who gives a shit about an animal that checks for its shadow to predict how much winter we have left? What's even more sad is that there are organizations to celebrate this poor-excuse-of-a-holiday. There are people who don't show up for work and don't get paid so they can watch a furry thing come out of the ground. There's certainly better animals that deserve a holiday much more than a groundhog. How about Cow Day? Pig? Chicken? I'd be more willing to celebrate these animals because damn it, they're tasty. Then again, I've never tried groundhog.

And finally, there's Valentine's Day. Who actually loves this holiday? I'm betting only the execs at Hallmark. It IS their holiday after all. What better way to show your love for that special someone by buying them a card with a greeting written by another person, a box of assorted chocolate-covered crap, and a $10 stuffed toy made in some third world country sweatshop? For those who are single, Valentine's day is a brutal reminder that they are alone with no one who loves them. Because of that, they'll celebrate this day in their own fashion by drinking their asses off along with other bitter singles. And the guys who have a valentine are angry because they have to spend their hard-earned money on a dinner for two at an overpriced restaurant.

If I were black, I'd be real angry that Black History Month is February. What, is 30 days just too much?