March 20, 2006

Asian Clubber Chicks

If you've ever been to an asian club party, then you've definitely seen them before. The asian clubber chick. They're very easy to spot. Anyone who falls under any of these descriptions is a definite clubber chick.

1. They travel in packs- the asian clubber girls never party, drink, or dance alone. They are always in a group of similarly dressed girls ready to impress the crowd with their slutty get-low-to-the-ground dance moves. You will rarely see them dance with anyone outside of their circle of friends. Speaking of dancing,

2. They only dance with their girls- There are four main reasons why they only dance with each other:

  • They are bitches: These girls think they are god's gift to men, and therefore, are only willing to dance with guys who these girls think are hot. So unless you have the looks of Brad Pitt, or the charm of George Clooney, you're better off trying to "holla" at the semi-cute drunk girl at the bar, who incidentally, will look better with every shot of tequila you take.
  • They are shy: During the rest of the week, many of the asian clubber chicks are actually nerdy college girls studying for their nursing, biology, or finance degree. These asian club parties are their chance to let loose and dance on the weekends. However, with all the time they spend in the library, their interaction with the opposite sex is limited. Not knowing how to approach a guy, they will instead just dance with their girls and hope that one has the balls to come up to them.
  • They are closet lesbians: I'm not saying every girl in the group is a lesbian, but chances are, a couple of them might be. They dance with their girls on the pretense that they are too good for the guys at the club, but in reality, they just want to hook up with their girlfriend. As the alcohol starts to kick in, they will become more daring and flirty, hoping to god that their friend is a lesbian as well. Or at the very least, bi-curious. If not, there's always more alcohol.
Guess who's the giver and who's the taker...

  • They are straight up ugly: There's a good reason these girls are never approached by the guys. They're just not that pretty. They're not even "kinda cute". Luckily, ugly girls tend to find each other and become friends. At least they have someone to dance with when the guys don't call. Avoid these girls at all cost. With the club's dim lighting and having drank 3 long islands, you may think these girls are approachable. Hopefully, your buddy will come along and save you from this embarassment, because damn it, you'd do the same for them. That's a true wingman.
3. They wear the same outfit- Ok, so they don't wear the exact same outfit, but some variety of the same theme. Regardless of the cold weather, asian clubber chicks will wear a pair of tight-fitting low rise jeans with a flowy top that either reveal their bra-less back or show off their A to B cup-size chests. In summer-time weather, the jeans get replaced by a short skirt, so the world can see their pale, toothpick-thin legs. Not that I'm complaining about cute girls flaunting some skin, but I want to see some style. Show some creativity! These girls spend hours in front of the mirror trying to put the perfect outfit together only to end up looking like every girl at the club.

Wear something different!

5. They cock-block for each other- For every clubber chick, there's a clubber guy. These fellas have no approach to meeting the clubber girls. Instead, they attack guerrilla style and sneak up on these vulnerable girls. Without ever saying "hi" or "hello" the clubber guy will quietly walk up to a dancing clubber chick's open back, grab her waist, and start grinding away.

To defend against these creeps, the clubber chicks watch each other's backs (literally) to prevent any unwanted dance partners. Note how in the above photo, the girl in brown is being held by her female friend, who is gently pulling her away from the attacker. Other methods are used as well, such as dancing in a line as shown below:

In this setup, the weaker girls, who have the most difficulty saying no to the guys, are placed in the middle. The stronger girls, able to defend against most attacks, stand (or dance) on the outside. Only the most brave and daring clubber guys can stand a chance against this sort of cock-block.

And there you have it. Although this list does not cover everything, it should give you a good idea on the asian clubber chick. Next time you're at an asian club party, you know exactly what to look out for. Have fun!

90 hatebacks:

Anonymous said...

dude that is totally lame. how many times have you been turned down by a hot asian girl?

Anonymous said...

WORD!

This is a place for me to rant anonymousely. said...

Why can't these girls choose to stick to themselves and just let loose? They're just doing their own thing.

They don't have to entertain sleaze bags (especially ugly one) who disturb them, try to pick them up and so on.

They are not obligated to talk to you.

Anonymous said...

mate! get a life.. girls just want to have fun without wanting to dance wt you. that's what girls night out is all about! if she likes you, she'll accept your 'dancing with her'. else, move on!

Heaven's joke to be called Wisdom said...

Hahahaaa.. Great observations... I have to admit this is pretty close to the truth. You just forgot to add they might hate each other in secret that's all...

Vazod said...

how true! i am an asian... and yes... u got it right on! except for the last one, might not quite agree on it. they tend to dance in a circle.

Anonymous said...

hahaha so true so true man,

but i disagree with one thing.....dancing??? these girls sexdance while standing -- where they look like they sexing pure air

Ladyjaysfc said...

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